How to Become a Curmudgeon: 13 Steps
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Becoming a curmudgeon might not be everyone’s dream, but for those who yearn to resist change and express a certain grumpy charm, this guide is for you. Here are 13 steps to help you embrace the curmudgeon lifestyle.
1. Master the art of cynicism: A key aspect of being a curmudgeon is having a skeptical, distrustful outlook on life. Always question everything and never take things at face value.
2. Perfect your grumble: Curmudgeons are known for their grumbling, complaining, and disagreeable behavior. Practice this skill daily and make it your own.
3. Cultivate a prickly demeanor: Perfecting the scowl and grumpy expression is crucial for the success of any curmudgeon. Keep interactions with others short and always maintain an air of annoyance.
4. Grow a thick skin: As a curmudgeon, people may not always appreciate your wit or humor. Make sure you’re prepared to defend yourself against any negative comments or reactions.
5. Develop an aversion to change: One notable trait of curmudgeons is their resistance to both societal and personal change. Lament how things used to be better in the “good old days.”
6. Limit your circle of friends: Curmudgeons are known for their small social groups, often with like-minded individuals. Be selective in who you consider a friend.
7. Avoid new technology: Another key element of the curmudgeonly lifestyle is resisting advances in technology. Cling to older devices (rotary phone, anyone?) while bemoaning the invention of smartphones and social media.
8. Practice wit and sarcasm: Although difficult to stomach at times, a true curmudgeon is often quite witty with a sharp tongue. Hone your sarcastic remarks and employ them as needed during conversations.
9. Embrace solitude: Curmudgeons often prefer their own company, finding solace in quiet environments. Practice embracing solitude and relish the peace it brings.
10. Develop a love for the classics: Whether it’s literature, music, or film, a curmudgeon will always favor the classics over contemporary works. Engage in lively debates with others on why your preferred genre or era is superior.
11. Savour the little annoyances: Great curmudgeons revel in and amplify life’s tiny annoyances. Whether it’s a long line at the grocery store or a slow-moving computer, be sure to voice your exasperation.
12. Become an expert in something: Choose a subject you’re passionate about and become extremely knowledgeable in it. This will allow you to share your wisdom (and displeasure) with others who may not be as well-versed.
13. Pass on your curmudgeonly ways: Finally, share your insights on becoming a curmudgeon with others who are interested (or those who may need some guidance). The world can always use another grumpy old soul!
Embrace these 13 steps to become the best curmudgeon you can be. Remember, it’s not about making everyone happy—it’s about staying true to yourself and finding happiness in what others might view as pessimism and discontentment.